Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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