The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
where am i from again
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
