you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
