woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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