I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
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And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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