I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
