hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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