so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
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