my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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