So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We need to feng shui this bitch.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
