CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
