you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
