everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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