no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize