I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
