I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
