Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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