Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
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So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
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just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh