woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
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So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in