Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
