Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft

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(314): View more from Missouri

I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.

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(863): View more from Florida

We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.

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(469): View more from Texas

Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(765): View more from Indiana

So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?

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(703): View more from Virginia

..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making

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(269): View more from Michigan

its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"

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(314): View more from Missouri

The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.

(816): View more from Missouri

Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?

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(928): View more from Arizona

so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in

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