matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
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The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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