Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?