Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
