Do you still have your period?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
