I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
me + whiskey = a bad person
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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