I could have mohawked her pubes.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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