i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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