The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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