I'm so fucking centered right now
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
did i walk over a car last night?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
