i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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