I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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