I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
