i think i have herpe
just one?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
