Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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