So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
