soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
