went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
