i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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