my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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