I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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