Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Four minutes until I can fart!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
