remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
