I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
