I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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