Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I pour the whiskey from now on
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
