fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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