that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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