I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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