I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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