New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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