I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize
