You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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