Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
