we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
