South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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