I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
