I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
