i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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