I'm drive I can fine osifer
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Text me some of your sweat
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
