the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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