And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
