I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
being pregnant is like rehab
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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