Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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