All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
