$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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