I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
