Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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