Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
