The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
