With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
