dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
