he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
