apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i black out too much to be "responsible"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
