I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
